in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
