Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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