I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
