what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
