Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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