Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
