I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
