His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
