can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
