so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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