Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
