She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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