It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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