i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
