It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
