Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
