I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
