You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
