I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
