Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
