we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
