How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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