I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
