Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
