You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
