Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
