he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
