Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
