Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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