you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
