i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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