dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
