He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
