I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
