i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
