He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
