I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
