Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
