Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
