You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Small penises have feelings too.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
try to milk me bitch
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