They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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