He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
