dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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