do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
