i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
