I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
