This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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