You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
