I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
