i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
