I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
